"EACH CANADIAN STATISTICIAN", by Jeffrey Rosenthal (to the tune of "John Brown's Body" / "The Battle Hymn of the Republic") Performed by Jeffrey Rosenthal at the inaugural SSC Virtual Social Mixer on August 4, 2020. CHORUS: EACH CANADIAN STATISTICIAN FOLLOWS IN THE SAME TRADITION WE'RE ON A VERY SPECIAL MISSION TO TREAT OUR DATA NICE! When we encounter outliers, we throw those points away But first we stop and smile, and say, "Have a lovely day!" We've started up a charity to help them find their way We treat outliers nice! Equations can be useful, but sometimes they make us freak It isn't multicultural if every symbol's Greek We're switching to Cyrilic now, and Hebrew script next week We treat all symbols nice! CHORUS When data's not symmetric, we might take a log or two But then we say we're sorry if we've inconvenienced you We tuck in every value with a blanket when we're through Our transforms must be nice! Toutes nos analyses sont traduites tout de suite en français Nous travaillons très fort pour que personne soit offensé Ça sera dommage si quelqu'un veut se séparer! Le français, it is nice! CHORUS We believe in fairness, we treat everyone the same The world is harsh, and evil inequalities are to blame From now on, writing equals signs will be our only game Equalities are nice! Now during this pandemic, we have quite a tricky task To show with graphs and models why we all should wear a mask But since we're here in Canada, we just have to ask! Our protocols are nice CHORUS